“Great job!  Here are some donuts!”

“Sorry for your loss.  Have some cake.”

“Thank you for watering my plants. Enjoy this candy.”

“Awesome! You lost 5 pounds!  How about a celebratory pizza?”

You name the emotion, situation, or circumstance- nothing says whatever it is quite like food.  Are we sure the three wise men did not bring Jesus a Happy Meal?  How did food get to be all things, from comfort to congratulations?

Just so we are clear:  I have never turned away the food.  I can’t. In fact, I will eat this food, especially if it is strategically located on a desk or credenza at work- even if it is something I do not like. Why? Because it is  there.   Who turns down free food? Sadly, I don’t.  Someone could send over a trough of those creepy orange “Circus Peanut”, styrofoam-esque candies and I would eat them because they are readily available.

I am not blaming the people who provide these seemingly endless celebratory, or otherwise gift-oriented, treats. I am the one who is mindlessly eating the stuff.  It is me. These generous benefactors do not include greeting cards suggesting I, or anyone else,  simply “forget” to include these snacks in our food journals.

It is something in my mind that tells me that this sort of grazing is nothing-  little nibbles that do not really add up to anything in the grand scheme of my daily net 1400 calorie count.

Think again.  I tracked a recent day’s gifted impulse indulgences.  Handful of potato chips, 100 calories. Half of a chocolate bar, 140 calories.

A quarter- no wait, I’ll go back for one more bite. Oh, make that two.  Oh, damnit!  I’ll eat the whole donut. It will just go to waste, if I don’t. No one will eat it now that it has been mangled. All of those poor kids in faraway lands who do not have free donuts at work.  Cha-ching another 500 calories.

The inconsequential total turns out to be painfully significant: 740 calories.

It would be one thing if this happened occasionally, but it doesn’t. There is always someone who is grateful for something, sad about something, happy about something, sympathetic about something and wants to feed you until you feel it too.

It is the thought that counts.  The funny thing about food as reward, thank you, gift, etc, is that it takes almost no thought.  I am guilty. If I do not know what sort of trinket to get for a birthday or housewarming- you are getting chocolate. 

Wow. This is rant. If you have ever given me food as a gift, I assure you, I loved it. I devoured it. I was so grateful for it. Now, cut it out.