THE BIGGEST SALE EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

/ leslietoldo.com / Leave a comment

sale-sign

Just thought I would pass along a tip: Ann Taylor, The Limited, Banana Republic, J Crew, and in fact all of the stores are having THE BIGGEST SALE EVER!!!!!!!!!! Thought I would tip you off. It seems I am privy to this information because I am a card holder and a “valued customer”. In fact, these fine corporations are so grateful for my last purchase, they want me to come back. It does not even matter to their individual email gods that I cannot afford, nor do I actually need what they are selling.

I get sucked in every time. Every morning, I open my email and find offers. There are sales I cannot miss. This may be their last sale ever, you know?! Anything is possible. I do not want to miss out. I like to think of myself as a reasonable intelligent woman, one who is not easily suckered. BUT, when it comes to shopping, I lose all rationale. I will scour the websites desperately seeking something I “need” so that I can get in on the big savings. The stuff shows up on my doorstep and, sometimes, I don’t even remember ordering it, or what the hell I ordered.

I guess I should be grateful to all of these stores because they have probably occupied my time enough with this shopping addiction, that they have saved me tens of thousands of calories. Too bad, eating has not managed to help me save hundreds, in fact probably thousands, of dollars.

How do they suck us in? How? I say “us” because, while I do not want you to suffer or go broke, I would like to think I am not the only one. I guess I should know I am not the only one. Look at how much debt people in our country are in. Look at it. It is insane. It is loony. And, many of us, after finding a way out of that mire, turn around and jump back in.

A wise man I know once said, “when Daniel got out of the lion’s den, I doubt he went back for his hat.”

I, on the other hand, always seem to go back in and actually, forgetting my hat is securely on my head, buy a new one- from the Lion. It doesn’t make sense. But, that is just it. Addictions, obsessions, usually do not make sense.

So, here I am again deleting every email from the Lion, advertising his biggest sale ever. I guess I could change my email address, but he will find me. Maybe, next time I donate to the Good Will, I can make an itemized list, and even remember exactly what I spent on each item. I am sure the total would make me physically ill. I could tape that to my computer monitor as a reminder of what the biggest sale ever cost me last time.

The truth is, I don’t need anything. When I have to look through the sale items to find something I need- I probably don’t need it. So, the cute top or shoes or bag are really just cupcakes that I can’t eat. They will not appear on my belly as part of my, “hey… are you expecting” pile. Nope. Instead that cute top will probably be just be covering it up.

No Does Not Mean Yes!

/ leslietoldo.com / Leave a comment

fries

Do you ever wonder what would happen if some new research came out and definitively proved that broccoli is really bad for you? I wonder if I would suddenly get insatiable cravings for it. What is it about the word “no” that makes my psyche want to say, “yes, yes, YES, God, yes”?

I actually did research. Okay, so I Googled “why do we want what we can’t have”. That is the modern equivalent of research, isn’t it? To think, I spent hours learning how to use the card catalogue at libraries, and I have not stepped foot in one for a good 15 years. Thank you, Google.

My “research” led me to the expected answers. I looked at several sites, but honed in on selfgrowth.com. That is where I found the following explanation.

“When something is hard to get (or forbidden) you immediately pay more attention to it. Notice that when you are on a restricted diet, you sometimes get too focused on what you “can’t” eat. This heightened attention — which can escalate into obsession — makes the forbidden food seem very important. Your inner brat takes advantage of this, and tries to convince you that you MUST have that chocolate or pizza.”

Ummmm… pizza. See? There I go. Just the though of not having it makes me want to turn this car around and get my pepperoni-hand-tossed on. (No, mom, I am not really driving and typing.) But why? Because, just as I was reading the word “pizza”, my brain said, “oh, no, girl. Pizza has gluten, you can’t have that.”

My next internal response was, “yes you can. You are an American! You can eat what you want.” My sick mind wants to turn my desire to binge-eat pizza into a patriotic event. At the end of the day, it goes back to the point the writer was making: I want what I can’t have because my focus is on what I can’t have.

Last night, I had baked chicken with green beans and brown rice. I know… control yourself. There is no such thing as McChicken with green beans. I think it probably would be hard to fit on a drive thru menu. That may really be the only reason. As I was eating, I thought, “this is good. This is better than a cheeseburger and fries.”

In my heart, I really meant that, too. I don’t know about anyone else, but I know that I have a knack for hitting the drive through during some sort of french fry vat shift change. I always get that order of fries that has some that are black on one end and still soggy on the other. Or, they are an order of fries someone brought back, and some tree-hugging kid working the drive through doesn’t want to waste food, so I reap the benefits.

My point is, when I allow myself to focus on what I can have, while trying to be healthy, it is amazing how much I do not want the things I can’t have. (I think I broke about 36 grammar rules with that sentence.)

If I can only remind myself, in those moments when I am coming up with excuses to skip a workout, or to justify eating bad food, of how good I feel when I do the healthy thing. I never get a jolt of “hell yeah” from not working out. I never feel like a super badass when I skip a run.

Can we train our brains to focus on, “yay, look what I get to do”, instead of “dang, I can’t have this”?

There is no question in my mind that going off gluten has made a major shift in my overall health. I can not even begin to describe how much healthier I feel. I have it in me to shift my focus. I know that I do.

Becoming a runner at the age of 41 took a lot of focus shifting techniques. The greatest attitude adjusting tool I have used in my short running career has been to remind myself how blessed I am to be in good enough physical health to run in the first place. I have to remember, that I quit smoking because I wanted to be a healthy person. Ultimately, that is what this is all about for me. I mean, I am relatively sure that my shot at the Sports Illustrated Swim Suit Edition is up. I can’t just be after some weight loss and hot body goal.

So here I am, reminding myself that I get to eat my own home cooking instead of crappy, soggy fries and re-heated-in-the-microwave cheeseburgers. Oh, yeah, they do sometimes heat burgers up in the microwave. I am probably violating some sort of fast food privacy act provision, but who cares? Burger King fired me. It’s payback time, y’all.

Ultimately, this all points back to one thing: self-pity (or feeling deprived in some way) cannot coexist with gratitude. The two are mutually exclusive. In all areas of my life- not just when it comes to my goofy old health, I must focus on all of the legitimate “yes’s” around me, let all of the “no’s” be “no’s”.

Get Paid to Eat in Bed

/ leslietoldo.com / Leave a comment

Image

 

If you could do anything you wanted and get paid, what would you do?  I am doing it, right now. Writing. I actually had no idea people got paid to blog. I mean, I have learned things from blogs. I have seen some wonderfully creative blogs. It is just so fun to sit and unload words from my brain; I cannot imagine actually being paid for it.

Here is the deal:  I do write for a living. Writing newsy stuff and writing about the junk that just happens to be in my head is not the same thing.

I did start this whole blog thing because I figured sitting in bed writing was a lot better than sitting in bed eating.  I did not get paid to sit in bed and eat, either.  Actually, that is not entirely true. I got paid in lbs. When I was a kid, I pronounced lbs, LIBS. No idea why. No matter, that was my regular paycheck for sitting in bed and eating.

So, I suppose, being paid to sit in bed and eat and write at the same time would be probably too much for me to bear.

The good news is, while I have not been writing in this “online journal” regularly enough, I am making some real progress on the not sitting in bed mindlessly eating.  Now, I sit in bed with a counted out portion of gummy bears- the real Haribo kind- not those mushy, crappy buy-in-bulk bears.  I make great sport out of biting their little heads off and making a screaming sound. Wow, that is just plain crazy.

I was trying to think of what I have really accomplished since I started this blog back in July. I have lost a solid 10 pounds. That, in and of itself is not that impressive, but when you consider that I have gained back a good 20, well… need I say more?

Okay, truth told, because so many people get annoyed by my self-deprecating humor, I have lost three pounds recently. I am really and truly off the gluten. I am really going about all of this in a way that I never have before. 

I have always been in full-on exercise mode or obsessive about some sort of calorie count or ingredient mode. Now, I am being mindful about both. Mindful. Not obsessive.  I am happy to say, that I am keeping track of my trips to the gym, and what I do while I am there. I am also keeping track of what I eat and paying close attention to how I feel during the day. I do not mean that I stop, hug a teddy bear or beat the floor with a rubber bat (a shrink made me do that once- it was super awkward).  What I am paying attention to is my energy level, my overall sense of well-being. 

The really zany thing is it is not normal to be exhausted all the time. It is not normal to be nauseated or have an upset stomach all of the time. It is not normal to be in pain all of the time. If you already had this figured out, yay, you! I did not. I cam to accept all of those things as part of adult life. That is sort of what I observed about adults when I was growing up. Being an adult was exhausting, painful and miserable. I could not wait to grow up, either. 

I think it is easy to ignore what our bodies are trying to tell us because so many people are feeling crappy; it has become the new normal. I am not going to accept that I am supposed to feel any sort of bad way because I am in my mid 40’s.  That is insane. Why on earth would anyone want to live past their mid-40’s if feeling lousy all the time was part of the deal? That is just loony.

So, here I am. I am still a little hefty.  I love the word “hefty”.  The vet referred to my female dog as “a little hefty” at her last checkup. Even the dog knew that was a rude thing to say. 

Where were we?  Oh, I am in my mid 40’s, a little hefty, with decent skin and some joint pain. BUT, I am not going to take this stuff lying down. Hey, I am all for losing weight and having a rocking body, but I want more than that. I want to feel good. I want to feel damn good. Guess what? People in their 40’s, 50’s, 60’s, 70’s and 80’s feel good. I have met some of these people.

If you have made it to the end of this entry, you may find your mind wandering back to the beginning and think, “Leslie, you not only will never get paid to sit in bed and eat; you will never get paid to blog.” 

I am good with that. I will never get paid for a lot of things. I will also never be accused of growing up and/or older miserably. I will do it gracefully. I will do it joyfully. I will also be healthy.

Until next time.

Lose 10 lbs in 5 days!!!!

/ leslietoldo.com / Leave a comment

lava cake (pictured left: Heartless Tramp!)
I knew that little headline would get you to read. I have no idea how to lose 10 pounds in 5 days. Well, you could cut your head off, but it would be messy, people would miss you, and you would not be around to enjoy the new you.

I am doing something new, though. I am employing the zany practice of setting small, attainable goals. It really looks even loonier in print than it sounds in my head. Of course, I did not come up with the concept. Weight loss and fitness experts, pretty much across the board, make this suggestion regularly. It just does not sound appealing to me.

Who wants to lose 5 pounds in five weeks? That is not nearly as sexy as the “transform Your Body in 8 Weeks” or “Lose 10 Lbs. In 4 weeks”, magazine-selling weight loss miracle plans.

I have to admit, I have lost 10 pounds in a week before. I did it twice, actually. The first time, it was under the guidance of Dr. Atkins. Well, I never actually talked to him, but I read his book. I went carb-less. Hey, the weight came off so fast, I was thrilled. I am not certain what flung me off the rails with that experiment.

I have more vivid memories of my second attempt at going super low-carb. South Beach was great. The pounds came off. The food was better than on Atkins, and I was doing great. In fact, I did great for a solid 6 months. Then, along came lava cake.

So, I had a piece of lava cake and, much to my delight, I woke up the next day and my weight had not gone up. In fact, my “are you expecting?” belly did not return. I felt confident. I decided I would have lava cake once a week. That also went well. Suddenly, lava cake became a daily diet staple.

The weight came back on. In the back of my mind, I kept thinking, “I got this. I will just go back on South Beach and the pounds will drop.” They did, but not like the last time. Here is the thing: when you lose 10 pounds the first week and two pounds a week the next couple of weeks, it is easy to live with a steady diet of eggs, string cheese and sugar-free pudding.

When stuff starts getting “real” and you are losing a pound a week, on a good week, it is a different story. That voice in my head that says, “that whole healthy BMI crap is a government conspiracy” or “fat is the new thin” starts to win out. I start to get defeated, and find myself in the middle of a tug of war between the part of me that knows it is not okay to put my health at risk with my weight, and part that knows that pan of brownies isn’t going to eat itself.

So, here I am, with a short, attainable goal. I am going to lose 5 pounds by my 45th birthday, February 4 (yes, this year, smart ass). I have just under four weeks.

So far, so good. I have been to the gym, following my cardio and weight training schedule faithfully all week. Yeah, I know it is only Wednesday. I am ignoring the voice that asks each morning at 6 am, “are you really going to sacrifice time with your dogs for gym time? Your dogs love you no matter what you weigh. Those gym people just want your money.”

I am also logging my food faithfully and honestly. The honestly part is the toughie. I have a tendency to rationalize leaving some items off of it. “Hey, you only ate 3/4 or that piece of cheesecake not the whole thing. You don’t need to put that down. AND, you vacuumed yesterday, you probably burned that tiny bite off.” The “portion” always seems to get smaller when I go to log something, too.

So far, I am down 3 pounds. I may exceed my goal when this four weeks is up. If I do, great. It may be the first time in my life I manage to over achieve.

I think, if I keep setting healthy goals, the occasional one-night-stand with lava cake or the like will be just that. I will not let it throw me off the rails because it might interfere with my goal. I will not marry lava cake, I will use it, and toss it to the side like the cheap… cake it is.

Till next time.

Ps for those of you who follow: if I do have some cheap tryst, it will still be gluten-free. I know I have to keep that up. My joints and my intestines insist on it.

Happy New Year, Every Day!

/ leslietoldo.com / Leave a comment

ny eve post grad

(This picture was taken on New Year’s Eve 1990, in Laramie Wyoming. That is me on the left, in the Naval officer’s hat. It was the first New Year’s Eve after I graduated from college. Behind that confident exterior, I was a confused child. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, or for a career, or anything. I was probably putting in a one-quarter-assed effort back then. But, man did we have fun that night.)

Happy New Year (four days late). Hey, I have been busy doing… something. Actually, I was going to write some bubbly, optimistic diatribe about how 2013 is going to be different the healthiest year of my life! But, I don’t want to lie or be a jerk here. The truth is, I am cautiously optimistic about my chance for success this year.

Let’s look at my track record.

I started this blog in what? August? Or was it June? Exactly my point. I have been doing everything about as half-way as humanly possible. I could not be more half-assed (my dad’s favorite expression) if I tried. And even if I tried to be half assed, I would only put in half the effort there, too.

How am I doing? You all geeked up to hop on the elliptical trainer and eat some berries and steel-cut oats right about now? Me neither.

Here is what I do know about 2013. This is going to be the year of doing things in a three-quarter-assed fashion. I will not settle for any less. You got it?

I got this idea from some “make your New Year’s resolution stick” articles and news snippets of late. In order for a resolution or goal to stick or have real substance, it has to be specific. I am currently re-grouping. My resolution to make 2013 my “healthiest year ever” lasted until 9:30 am January 1, 2013. Some well-meaning people dumped off left over Christmas goodies on us. I did not want to be rude. I also decided I was done with resolutions.

Then it hit me: you can make a resolution any time you want. There is no rule about January first. There is not some New Year’s benefits rep who is going to tell you that you have to wait until next year because the resolution enrollment period is over for 2013.

So, now my resolution is to have resolve (the noun definition of which is “firmness of purpose, resolution”). Each day, I must resolve (verb- “to make a firm decision about”) how I choose to use and focus my day. If I am making a decision, that means I am making a choice. I choose. I am choosing to do the things that I know make me feel good.

I am not going to commit myself to the full Monty- whole-assed effort. I will go for three-quarter-assed, for now. It is a start. It is progress. Why does the striving for perfection always have to overtake and ultimately block any chance at actual progress? If I can’t be perfect, I am not going to be- anything. If I don’t try, I can’t fail. That is just crazy talk. Isn’t the success in the trying?

Cheers to you, and happy new day to you, each and every day.

When Lazy is Good

/ leslietoldo.com / 2 Comments

<pimg018> 

(This is a photo of me and my dog, Otis, who turned 13 today. It fits the theme, and he is pretty darn cute, after all)
I cannot lie. My own laziness may be helping me succeed in ways I had never imagined possible when I started this whole not-eating-gluten experiment.  Here is the thing, and I am really only giving you a watered down version of said “thing” because I am not completely clear myself on what the “thing” is when it comes to gluten. Oh, yeah, the watered down thing:  you have to look up ingredients of ingredients in a lot of foods to make sure they do not contain gluten. Who has time for that? I probably do, but I am not going to do that. I will have a nervous break down (as if not eating gluteny foods isn’t going to make me snap in the first place). 

I am just getting acclimated to reading ingredients on labels for the obvious, “hey, this is loaded with gut bloating gluten” information. I do not need to worry about whether percolated hypochondrial starch isolate has some kind of gluten festering within. You know? So, how does this help me succeed beyond just avoiding gluten? Well, because silly, I am eating less processed food. The fewer things on the label, the easier to understand, the more likely I am to eat them. 

How cool, right?! I must be losing all kinds of weight and have an arse like Jillian Michaels and ….(insert needle scratch on record). No. I do see a difference in my shape. My tummy is less bloated. I feel better. I mean, I really feel better overall. My joints are not aching. I am sleeping better. My tummy isn’t as tumultuous. I also have more energy- just not enough more energy to read labels with more than 5 ingredients on them- that I can pronounce. 

The truth is still the truth: a calorie is a calorie. They all add up the same way. If your daily pile of calories exceeds what your body needs to make it through, those calories sort of loiter around and you don’t lose weight- well, I don’t, anyway.  But, I am exercising a lot more. I am trying not to get too crazy and put a specific number of pounds I want to lose out there- not today, anyway. 

I was actually not tested for gluten intolerance. I read the symptoms and thought I might be. A few times, while researching gluten as a topic for my day job- ace medical reporter- I read and heard that if you go off of gluten and you feel better, chances are you have an intolerance. The real test is to then eat gluten and see what happens. Well, what happened for me was pretty icky. I felt hung over. I was very nauseated. It was not good.  By “not good” I mean, kind of miraculous. I ate truffles- you know, chocolatey ones- and felt horrible and vowed never to do that again. Say what? I am still sort of in shock. My mother, who found a way to make Atkins Diet shakes higher in carbohydrate content than the ones sold at most malt shops around the nation, would be really disappointed. I did not give her any grandkids, and she is a Saints fan, so she is used to disappointment. 

So, I have been on the wagon, headed away from the gluten fields for a few weeks. It really is not as bad as I thought. I can have potatoes. I can also have any number of “gluten-free” labeled products. I am trying not to get into that, because I like eating kind of clean.  I feel good. Yes, I wish I could report some crazy thing about how my body is transformed and my skin glows and Tom Brady keeps calling and I have to remind him we are both married, etc. My body is getting more toned. I am feeling better. Guess what? That is because I am weight training and running. 

I have been a medical reporter for roughly 20 years. I have talked to some of the great minds of medicine, diet and fitness. It all comes back to one thing, well, actually two things- diet and exercise. If you want to lose weight, what you eat is probably 80-percent of the equation. But, there is still that other 20-percent. Exercise is so good for you. I have never regretted a workout. I always feel better afterwards not because I look like the chicks in my Shape magazine, but because I did something good for myself. 

I really hope I make myself read this again in the morning, when I try to talk myself out of going to the gym. I am sure if I leave myself a note, I will read this again- if I am not too lazy, you know, and hit the snooze button. Oh, wait, I have dogs, they really do not honor the whole “snooze” philosophy. 

So, let’s keep fighting the good fight. 

(are ya happy, Kim? This is your update.)

Gluten Free: Day 1

/ leslietoldo.com / 7 Comments

 (The cupcake pictured above is loaded with freakin gluten. I just wanted to remember how attractive I look when I eat the stuff.)

First of all, before you say, “I am unliking this page. I do not need a daily ‘life without gluten’ update. If I want that, I’ll watch Elizabeth Hasselbeck on the view,” you should know, I have no intention of updating every day. Look at my history. I am flighty and procrastinate and will probably not update often enough.

Second, I never thought I would be life-without-gluten girl. I decided to give it a try after I exclaimed during an interview with a doctor, “holy s@#t!, I think I have that!” When said doctor was describing symptoms of gluten intolerance. Very professional. Just to be clear, I have not, during the course of my reporting career diagnosed myself with every disease and/or disorder I have covered. Okay, well, I still think I have narcissistic personality disorder. I also probably have lupus and a brain tumor, but otherwise, this practically never happens.

Anyway, yesterday, I went gluten-free. For Pete’s sake, I probably got gluten without even knowing it. Still, I woke up feeling less groggy this morning. I have better energy today. Shoot, I felt more energetic yesterday. The really big thing? I did not have my usual desire to binge eat in bed. It was nuts last night. I just did not have the usual insane appetite the entire day. It may just be a placebo effect. Could be a fluke. I will keep you posted (but not to an irritating extent, I hope).

Here is the deal, people with gluten intolerance can suffer fatigue, anxiety, depression, tummy bloat, joint pain. I experience all of the above. Could my diet have something to do with that? Possibly. A cool thing about not eating gluten: I was not craving sugar. Coincidence? I dunno. I will, again keep you posted. I will also, I hope, do a better job of sticking to this experiment than I have others in the recent past- or even the past-past, for that matter.

This is kind of funny. By “this”, I mean the fact that I am even trying life without gluten. I remember the first time I heard people talking about the evils of gluten. I had this wave of rage come over me, “another one of these trendy damn things!”

I buck trends. I was the girl in elementary school who insisted on not liking Shaun Cassidy because everyone else did. Instead, I selected the less popular Hardy Boy. Truth is, I thought I had a better chance with him, that Parker Stevenson, than Shaun. Yeah, I am comparing gluten to Shaun Cassidy. Maybe I was not fair to the guy. The upside is, I can not really hurt myself by not eating gluten anymore than it hurt me to choose the less popular Hardy Boy. At the end of the day, this is about eating more whole foods anyway. That is good for all of us.

(*editor’s note: I am really sorry, because now I have “That’s Rock n Roll” stuck in my head. If it is stuck in yours now, you can send me snacks with hidden gluten in them.)

Inspirational lies

/ leslietoldo.com / 3 Comments

Image

The really awesome thing about having your own words in print- especially on the internet, where they will be around forever- is that you can always go back and review your past musings and get a good laugh. I could cry, but I choose to laugh.

The month was August. The title:  “C’s Get Degrees”.  I wrote the following:

“So, when I finished weight training and a run this morning, and thought, ‘I am just going to give this everything and see what this does for me when I do that full marathon in February’, I got this twingey, awesome feeling. I am not going to let fear stand in my way. I am just going to do this- and give it my best effort.”

Hmmm. I wonder when I was planning to give it my best effort? Seems life got away from me. I thought I had not written in a couple of weeks. turns out it is going on a couple of months. Wow. So, how are things? Are you on some inspired high, accomplishing great things? I sure hope someone is.

So, I think I gained weight back. I have been “busy”. I love that word. It is so short, tidy and “busy”. It even sounds like, “I just don’t have time for anything longer than a four letter word– so much happening.”  I guess I have been working. I have had some stuff going on at home.

Nope, I think the four letter word I am grasping for is lazy.

I am being hard on myself. I have not been lazy at the grocery store, while visiting TJ Maxx specifically to buy chocolate (they have great stuff, by the way), or when going out for ridiculous lunches. Oh, sure I start the day logging in my Livestrong food journal. I go to the gym and bang out runs. I most certainly have not given my best effort to this whole marathon training/being healthy thing. I haven’t been getting on the scale either. My psyche views it as some sort of Kryptonite.

I decided to come back here for some inspiration. What went wrong the past two months? Why do I keep going on food “benders”.  There has to be a reason. I keep hearing all of the great voices of trainers past saying things like, “you either want this or your don’t. You aren’t going to mess up my life if you don’t stick with this.”  I read my own snarky, enlightened words and it is as if someone else wrote them. Maybe I have an evil twin- wait, maybe I am the evil twin.

Why would I write such truthful and un-motivational crap in my positive-life-changes blog? Because it is the truth.  I am not going to spew unicorns and rainbows out of my arse just because it is what I should be doing. I will never understand why I have such a struggle with food. In order for me to lie in this little blog-  to you- I have to lie to me first. Why do that?

So, what happens next? Well, I am taking a first step now. I have some thinking to do. I am making some changes. They involve sugar and gluten. I am really not trying to jump on a nutty bandwagon with the gluten thing. I have been diagnosed with chronic fatigue. I have arthritis. I have some stomach issues that I don’t need to go into here. Use your imagination- just don’t be really gross, because it isn’t “really” gross.  I have learned that gluten can do all of the above to your system.

The good news is, if I ditch the gluten, and I am not diagnosed with a disorder, the change will not hurt me. I guess Gluten is not something we humans really need in our bodies. I do feel crappy a lot. I guess I will try this. This whole thing could get really fun. Maybe I will diagnose myself with something else in a couple of months. Who knows. I am just going at this thing a day at a time- even a month at a time.

I don’t pretend to have all the answers- but I sure do have a lot of questions. I am not giving up hope. I just hope the “twingey” feeling I had in the previously above mentioned exert from a past blog will come back. It took me a good 7 attempts to quit smoking. I guess this food crap started way before I started smoking. Maybe it will just be harder to make these changes.

Anyway, I am going to attempt to get back on track- guess I need to make sure I can find the track.

So, till we meet again, my friends.

Emptying bowls, and bags of chips, and… oh you get the idea!

/ leslietoldo.com / 3 Comments

Image

(The bowls, pictured above, are from a fundraiser for the Food Bank of Eastern Michigan. They were all made and donated by local artists. You buy a bowl, you eat all of the soup you want for $15. The soup was provided by local restaurants. No, they do not have much to do with today’s post, but aren’t they pretty?)

I found myself wanting to write, but thinking that I am not “inspired enough” right now. Read: I don’t have a bunch of unicorns and fairies floating through my brain. I don’t have the 10 magic steps to happiness and fulfilment to offer. I do have reality. That was supposed to be the point of this whole blogging venture. Right? Junk I think is not always inspired at awesome. Sometimes it is the uninspired and un-awesome that I need to pay the most attention to. My personal bout of “crazy” has something to teach me.

So, this is where I am. I am still in love with running in the rain- or running anywhere.  But I am in a bit of quicksand this week. I am a little restless. By restless I mean, up at midnight eating Funions, Salt and Vinegar Lays and Fruity Snacks. I do not really even like any of them. They were there. I was feeling anxious. You get the idea.

That little moment of avoiding the real issue was a great follow-up to the 36 bowls of soup I had at a fundraiser for the Food Bank of Eastern Michigan, called “Empty Bowls”. Oh, I emptied some bowls alright. So, maybe I did not eat 36, but I ate four. Yes, FOUR! Where was all of my, “damn I’m good and healthy” bravado that I was waving around earlier in the week?

While the lbs scale and the fat scale slowly continue to trek downward, it is not fast enough for me. I took my measurements and had lost only about two inches- across my entire body- over two weeks. Never mind how differently my clothes are fitting. It is all about cold, hard numbers right?

Here is the thing, it is- and it isn’t. I have been working pretty hard and keeping up with a training plan, except for this week. I got in two great runs, but I skipped my weight training because I spent the time I could have been weight training weighing out whether I actually had time to squeeze in some weight training.  Any time I start doing that is a good time for me to stop and ask, “hey, chick, what is wrong? Do you want to do this or don’t you?” No one is holding a gun or anything else to my head. I made a choice to get healthy. I am either in or I am not. Period.

Skipping the things that I know make me feel great- like the workouts – and then doing things that I know will make me feel bad, like pounding down Funions et. all-  are signs that I need to be honest with myself. About what is really floating through my kooky little brain. Something has to be off, especially since I specifically schedule time and set my alarm so that I will be able to fit in workouts. I specifically do not buy snacks I love so that I will not go on midnight benders.

I am trying to get healthy, not win a body building contest. Still, there is a voice in my head telling me that things are not happening fast enough.  A friend posted yesterday that she had lost 23 pounds. I am sincerely happy for her, but wondering why is it going so slowly for me. The answer is simple: because it is. Comparing myself and my progress to anyone else’s is a recipe for failure.

Maybe my friend did not go and empty a bunch of bowls at the Empty Bowls event. Maybe she did not power-eat snack food she did not like last night. Maybe she has been at it longer than me.  Maybe, when she is not feeling inspired, or feels like sabotaging her own efforts she stops and listens and tries to understand why Funions seem like such a great idea right now.