(The bowls, pictured above, are from a fundraiser for the Food Bank of Eastern Michigan. They were all made and donated by local artists. You buy a bowl, you eat all of the soup you want for $15. The soup was provided by local restaurants. No, they do not have much to do with today’s post, but aren’t they pretty?)

I found myself wanting to write, but thinking that I am not “inspired enough” right now. Read: I don’t have a bunch of unicorns and fairies floating through my brain. I don’t have the 10 magic steps to happiness and fulfilment to offer. I do have reality. That was supposed to be the point of this whole blogging venture. Right? Junk I think is not always inspired at awesome. Sometimes it is the uninspired and un-awesome that I need to pay the most attention to. My personal bout of “crazy” has something to teach me.

So, this is where I am. I am still in love with running in the rain- or running anywhere.  But I am in a bit of quicksand this week. I am a little restless. By restless I mean, up at midnight eating Funions, Salt and Vinegar Lays and Fruity Snacks. I do not really even like any of them. They were there. I was feeling anxious. You get the idea.

That little moment of avoiding the real issue was a great follow-up to the 36 bowls of soup I had at a fundraiser for the Food Bank of Eastern Michigan, called “Empty Bowls”. Oh, I emptied some bowls alright. So, maybe I did not eat 36, but I ate four. Yes, FOUR! Where was all of my, “damn I’m good and healthy” bravado that I was waving around earlier in the week?

While the lbs scale and the fat scale slowly continue to trek downward, it is not fast enough for me. I took my measurements and had lost only about two inches- across my entire body- over two weeks. Never mind how differently my clothes are fitting. It is all about cold, hard numbers right?

Here is the thing, it is- and it isn’t. I have been working pretty hard and keeping up with a training plan, except for this week. I got in two great runs, but I skipped my weight training because I spent the time I could have been weight training weighing out whether I actually had time to squeeze in some weight training.  Any time I start doing that is a good time for me to stop and ask, “hey, chick, what is wrong? Do you want to do this or don’t you?” No one is holding a gun or anything else to my head. I made a choice to get healthy. I am either in or I am not. Period.

Skipping the things that I know make me feel great- like the workouts – and then doing things that I know will make me feel bad, like pounding down Funions et. all-  are signs that I need to be honest with myself. About what is really floating through my kooky little brain. Something has to be off, especially since I specifically schedule time and set my alarm so that I will be able to fit in workouts. I specifically do not buy snacks I love so that I will not go on midnight benders.

I am trying to get healthy, not win a body building contest. Still, there is a voice in my head telling me that things are not happening fast enough.  A friend posted yesterday that she had lost 23 pounds. I am sincerely happy for her, but wondering why is it going so slowly for me. The answer is simple: because it is. Comparing myself and my progress to anyone else’s is a recipe for failure.

Maybe my friend did not go and empty a bunch of bowls at the Empty Bowls event. Maybe she did not power-eat snack food she did not like last night. Maybe she has been at it longer than me.  Maybe, when she is not feeling inspired, or feels like sabotaging her own efforts she stops and listens and tries to understand why Funions seem like such a great idea right now.