Meditation and Squirrles

MS3%2029%20Red%20Squirrel%20Nest%20Building

I have taken to meditating on a daily basis. There are about a zillion ways to do it: guided imagery, closing your eyes and drifting off with some “yoga class” music in the background. I have tried those. Lately, though, I just sit comfortably, eyes closed and try to empty my mind of my own thoughts- “quieting the mind” they call it. It is how some people say they hear God or whatever sort of higher power they are into- even Carl Sagan.

When I first started doing this, I heard my own voice, making a grocery list, remembering something I was pissed off about or wondering how long I had been sitting with my eyes closed. I sometimes ended up making some impossible to-do list in my brain, then starting to freak out about how I would never get it done. I can tell you, I am certainly no expert, but I am fairly certain, this is not the purpose. It sure isn’t “quieting the mind”.

It actually takes practice to clear your mind. I was taught to come up with a word to bring me back to that quiet place, when thoughts started flooding my mind. The word can be anything- love, God, mustard; I don’t think it matters. Since I started, some very cool things have happened.

Yesterday, I sat on my front porch to meditate. We live surrounded by trees. I could hear birds chatting and a squirrel building a nest. When my mind drifted, the word “be” is what brought me back. Kind of funny because that is what those little creatures were doing. They were not comparing themselves to one another. They were not wondering who had the bigger nest. They were just doing what they were made to do. They were just “being”. They each had a purpose, and seemed content. I didn’t ask them how they were feeling, so I am making assumptions; but work with me here.

Later that day, it occurred to me, that I compare myself, my life, my house, my fill-in-the blank to others’ all of the time. In fact, I think comparing and judging are almost an unconscious, constant thing a lot of humans do. The funny thing is, that kind of, often self-defeating comparison is ridiculous, and potentially damaging to our spirits. We all have a purpose, a place in this world. It is not like I looked up at the squirrel’s nest later and thought, “Man, he really rocked that. The other squirrels have been out-shined.”

I also didn’t start feeling less-than because I was not capable of scaling a tree and building a nest like that. Honestly, I do not think my comparing myself to a squirrel is much more logical than my comparing myself to my neighbor, Jessica Simpson, or the kid who makes my coffee at Tim Horton’s every morning. (He does a fantastic job, by the way.) This, for me, has become the purpose of meditation: getting a better understanding of who I am meant to be.

There are a whole bunch of people who want to tell you the right way and the wrong way to meditate, too. That is just more fuel for comparison. How about the way that works for you? That would be your way.

We were each designed for something different. There is no better or worse. The sooner we get off of that mindset, I bet, the happier most of us will be. I know it is helping me.

Now, I am off to see which mama bird made the best nest this year. They are having a contest, you know.

My Best Race Ever

Warning: some of the information contained in this post will be considered TMI by some readers. But, this is me… what else would you expect?
Today was my 5th running of the mile Crim in Flint. It is I really where, why and how my running life began at the age of 41. I think I am far more tortoise than hare, to begin with, but today’s finish was by far my slowest. It was also the best damn Crim I’ve run.
I waited at the start line with my running posse. Susan and I stuck together until about mile 4. I told her I needed to do the earbuds- and “focus”, instead of talking because this was going to be my year to not come in LAST place in my age group. I had big dreams of a personal record.
At mile 4.5, I had the mortifying sensation that I was going to pee my cute little running skirt. I carefully “pulled over” and sat on someone’s lawn, as if taking a little break and just peed. What are you going to do? It’s one of the many things that happens in your 40’s that NO ONE warns you about. (You can thank me later).
At about mile six- heck yes, I kept going- the sensation hit again. I was right by a frat house and straight up told the guy, who looked like the life of the party, about my imminent crisis. He brought me inside and let me have at least a shred of dignity in their facilities.
At this point, I knew I was probably out of contention for the top three finishers in my age group- I was actually never in contention for that, but I built up my expectations. After two full marathons and nearly a dozen half’s, I had to bang out a big finish at some point, right? The most likely result of most of our expectations is disappointment. There are some things we just can’t predict or plan for.
Suddenly, at mile 7, I stopped sweating and was covered in goosebumps. I felt really dizzy. There were some paramedics. They invited me to sit down and they checked out my vitals. They were calling over an EKG cart. All I could think was, “oh, hell no. I am finishing this thing. Just about then, my friend, a nurse, named Debbie, appeared out of nowhere. We walked the rest of the race. According to my Garmin, I finished in 2:24. I haven’t looked up my official Crim time because, who cares, really?
At the end of the race, all that mattered was all that ever has truly mattered I finished. Things did not go the way I wanted them to. I did not break a personal record. I did not finish with a dry running skirt. I did finish.
I think the biggest mistake I make in life is building up expectations. I don’t want to bum out the Dale Carnegie crowd- setting goals and achieving dreams are important to our growth. But, I’ve come to find that it’s often the things that don’t quite go as planned or hoped bring about the greatest rewards. Sometimes, you are going to pee your pants and plans change, but that will only ruin the experience if you let it.
My spirit expands every time I accept that I really don’t have control over the universe, life- and sometimes now, not even my bladder.

Thanks to all of the 11,000 plus participants in the Crim today. Each of you inspire me, every single year.