My first memory of Valentine’s Day was fourth grade. Mrs. Calendar’s class, Jefferson Elementary School, Baton Rouge , Louisiana. Does the year really matter? It was long ago. Looooooooooong ago.

We all made boxes to collect our Valentine cards. It was an explosion of crepe and construction paper hearts.  It was fun. The best part was, at the end of the day, going through and reading those little cards. Every now and then there would even be a home-made one, but mostly they were those cards from the drug store. Superman.  Buggs Bunny. Scooby Doo.

I have heard sad stories about people not getting any Valentines from their classmates. Mrs. Calendar did not play that.   You served up a card to everyone- or you did not serve up any cards.  No broken hearts in that class. No bullying. No tears on Valentine’s Day.

It did not matter who sent the card, it was fun to open them and feel loved.  As I aged, Valentine’s Day seemed to take on a bitter tone.  There became this pressure to have a Valentine. The real pressure was to be in a romantic relationship.

Then it hit me:  maybe it is just me, but we are going about this all wrong.

We put the focus on romantic love, when the truth is,  a real romantic connection can never be made without a good foundation of love. I know about this. I know. It took me nearly 35 years to figure out, but I know this. 

The best love, the greatest love, the love I celebrate on February 14^th is just regular old love.  I do have a Valentine. He already served up the chocolate and flowers. He does it because he likes to- and probably because it is what people do on this day. I get him little treats and cards and it is fun.

But, in my big, pink, fluffy, crepe paper heart, I know that man loves me all year through.  This is just one more excuse for both of us to show each other- with treats!   

I also know that all of the love I share with my husband comes from what I learned about love from all of the other people- and other creatures- in my life. The best love comes from true, trusting friendship. I learned this late in life. I learned this from some wonderful people. I learned this from other women. I learned about honesty and respect and agreeing to disagree.  The greatest gift I learned from these friends is to love myself.  They helped me get there by loving me- unconditionally.

If you feel alone and lonely and like no one loves you, ask a question:  do I love myself? Am I giving love?  I have to tell you, about ten years ago, my answer to both was, “no”.  Learning about true friendship and sisterhood from female friends,  was how I finally learned the real meaning of love.

Putting all of our love eggs- um, or chocolate hearts- in one basket- or box- is one of the biggest mistake a lot of us make. If you have one person who loves you and one person you love- whether it is your grandma, your girlfriend, or your four legged friend, you have a Valentine. Start counting- you probably have a lot more of them than you think.

 This day is not about Hallmark- or roses- or even (gulp) chocolate. It is a reminder to me about the gift of love- and not just about receiving it, but how good it feels to give it away. If no one has told you they love you today, I do, Valentine.   XO