Do you ever wonder what would happen if some new research came out and definitively proved that broccoli is really bad for you? I wonder if I would suddenly get insatiable cravings for it. What is it about the word “no” that makes my psyche want to say, “yes, yes, YES, God, yes”?

I actually did research. Okay, so I Googled “why do we want what we can’t have”. That is the modern equivalent of research, isn’t it? To think, I spent hours learning how to use the card catalogue at libraries, and I have not stepped foot in one for a good 15 years. Thank you, Google.

My “research” led me to the expected answers. I looked at several sites, but honed in on selfgrowth.com. That is where I found the following explanation.

“When something is hard to get (or forbidden) you immediately pay more attention to it. Notice that when you are on a restricted diet, you sometimes get too focused on what you “can’t” eat. This heightened attention — which can escalate into obsession — makes the forbidden food seem very important. Your inner brat takes advantage of this, and tries to convince you that you MUST have that chocolate or pizza.”

Ummmm… pizza. See? There I go. Just the though of not having it makes me want to turn this car around and get my pepperoni-hand-tossed on. (No, mom, I am not really driving and typing.) But why? Because, just as I was reading the word “pizza”, my brain said, “oh, no, girl. Pizza has gluten, you can’t have that.”

My next internal response was, “yes you can. You are an American! You can eat what you want.” My sick mind wants to turn my desire to binge-eat pizza into a patriotic event. At the end of the day, it goes back to the point the writer was making: I want what I can’t have because my focus is on what I can’t have.

Last night, I had baked chicken with green beans and brown rice. I know… control yourself. There is no such thing as McChicken with green beans. I think it probably would be hard to fit on a drive thru menu. That may really be the only reason. As I was eating, I thought, “this is good. This is better than a cheeseburger and fries.”

In my heart, I really meant that, too. I don’t know about anyone else, but I know that I have a knack for hitting the drive through during some sort of french fry vat shift change. I always get that order of fries that has some that are black on one end and still soggy on the other. Or, they are an order of fries someone brought back, and some tree-hugging kid working the drive through doesn’t want to waste food, so I reap the benefits.

My point is, when I allow myself to focus on what I can have, while trying to be healthy, it is amazing how much I do not want the things I can’t have. (I think I broke about 36 grammar rules with that sentence.)

If I can only remind myself, in those moments when I am coming up with excuses to skip a workout, or to justify eating bad food, of how good I feel when I do the healthy thing. I never get a jolt of “hell yeah” from not working out. I never feel like a super badass when I skip a run.

Can we train our brains to focus on, “yay, look what I get to do”, instead of “dang, I can’t have this”?

There is no question in my mind that going off gluten has made a major shift in my overall health. I can not even begin to describe how much healthier I feel. I have it in me to shift my focus. I know that I do.

Becoming a runner at the age of 41 took a lot of focus shifting techniques. The greatest attitude adjusting tool I have used in my short running career has been to remind myself how blessed I am to be in good enough physical health to run in the first place. I have to remember, that I quit smoking because I wanted to be a healthy person. Ultimately, that is what this is all about for me. I mean, I am relatively sure that my shot at the Sports Illustrated Swim Suit Edition is up. I can’t just be after some weight loss and hot body goal.

So here I am, reminding myself that I get to eat my own home cooking instead of crappy, soggy fries and re-heated-in-the-microwave cheeseburgers. Oh, yeah, they do sometimes heat burgers up in the microwave. I am probably violating some sort of fast food privacy act provision, but who cares? Burger King fired me. It’s payback time, y’all.

Ultimately, this all points back to one thing: self-pity (or feeling deprived in some way) cannot coexist with gratitude. The two are mutually exclusive. In all areas of my life- not just when it comes to my goofy old health, I must focus on all of the legitimate “yes’s” around me, let all of the “no’s” be “no’s”.